Back To Basics

Sometimes we just need to get back to the basics. It doesn’t matter what it is, if you want to do something well, you have to have a good foundation of the basics. Athletes know this, musicians know this, any person who has developed a skill in something knows this. There is one group of people who I am afraid has, at times, forgotten this. Now don’t get offended. I’m not pointing fingers, I’m not thinking of anyone in particular, I know I’m as guilty of this as anyone. Let’s get serious about it. Parents, we’ve got to get back to the basics.

When I started home schooling, I asked a friend who had been home schooling much longer than I had at the time (I think she was in her 7th year) for any advice she could give me. She told me something that has stuck with me ever since. She said that before you can expect to be your child’s teacher in academic areas, you have to first make sure your child respects your authority as a parent. There must be no back talking allowed. There must be immediate obedience expected by you and given by your child.

This friend went on to explain her first days of home schooling. She had a very active, intelligent 5 year old. He wasn’t a rebellious son but he wasn’t necessarily fully convinced that she was the boss. She sat him down and proceeded to be “teacher” that very first day. He didn’t like this new role his mother had. She was expecting him to sit still and learn when he was used to her being his playmate, his cook, his caretaker — not his teacher. She realized then that they were not ready to begin home schooling. She knew that they had to work on the chain of authority in their home. You’ll be glad to know that they both figured it out, he graduated from their home school and went on to get his higher education and is a successful family man today.

I think a lot of home schoolers are like my friend. The kids obey enough to keep the peace in the house. Or maybe I should say that mom knows the tricks to get her kids to do what she wants. They aren’t necessarily obedient, but they have kind of worked out an arrangement that seems to make everyone happy. When it’s time to sit down and “do school”, tension rises, kids balk at instructions, mom begins pushing,  the kids push back, tempers flare, tears pour and everyone thinks they are failures at home schooling.

Home schooling is not the problem. It is  a lack of basic child training. Before you throw in the towel and turn your kids back over to the public school system, make sure that they and you understand the basics.

Basic #1: Mom and Dad are in charge. It’s so basic that it hardly seems worth mentioning but some parents don’t understand this concept. Mom and Dad are the bosses. They make the rules. They decide what will be taught. They decide what will be eaten. They decide when the child will get up, when the child will go to bed, what the child will wear, what the child will read, etc. This may sound like a dictatorship — it is. God gave parents the responsibility of raising their children to honor Him. They must take charge and do it.

Don’t be a wimp, Mom.  Be decisive.  Let your child know what you expect and stick to it.  You don’t have to always entertain your child.  You don’t have to always make him comfortable or happy.  There are times that your child will not want to do what you are requiring.  He may pout, he may cry, he may feign illness, he may even throw a temper tantrum.  Don’t let it distract you.

The preacher tells us what to do about it: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.”  Prov 22:15

The preacher didn’t say, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child so you have to figure out a way to keep him happy and pacify his angry outbursts.”

That’s really all there is to it.  Usually, the basics of any skill are few and very simple.  I could go on  about how the child is to honor his parents but that is expected when the parents take charge and take their responsibility seriously.  Children don’t mind respecting parents who act in a manner worthy of respect.  That’s what it all boils down to — parents take charge and children respect them for it.

Before you think home schooling isn’t for you, make sure you aren’t the problem.  Make sure your children respect you and your position as the authority figure in their lives.  Make sure you present yourself in an authoritative manner that is worthy of respect.  Once the basics have been established, the rest goes so much more smoothly.  The battles are no longer parent vs child.  You will both be working together to tackle the difficulty and the joys of learning new things.