What Were They Thinking?

We all know that hindsight is 20/20 but this should have been given more thought. To put children on display on TV for the entertainment of the masses just seems wrong to me. To put children on display just because of the circumstance they find themselves in just seems wrong to me. Yes, I’m talking about the Duggars. I remember when I first saw this beautiful family on a talk show back when they just had 12 or so children. They were quite intriguing not just because of the size of the family but they home schooled AND played all kinds of stringed instruments. Who wouldn’t want to know how a family that large handles the everyday goings and comings. They got my attention.

I have children the same ages as their kids. I have experienced first hand what raising children to be godly in a ungodly world is like. It’s not easy — even without the trappings of fame and fortune. The challenges children go through just growing up in small town, USA can be overwhelming. Put those children in the limelight for years — their formative years — those years when they are moving from childhood into adulthood, every little uncertainty, every triumph, every defeat, everything, gets magnified way out of proportion.

The fame itself can be addicting. Once someone gets used to having everyone clamoring to be near them, to know everything about them, to get giddy with excitement at the prospect of getting a glimpse of them, it’s hard to live a normal life. It’s hard to come down from that kind of a high and go about your daily life in a normal way.

Add to fame, the wealth that goes along with being the subject of a reality TV show. Once the wealth becomes a way of life, it’s hard to back away. It becomes important to keep the show on the air to keep the money coming in. It’s important to be just interesting enough to keep the viewers begging for more. With more wealth comes more opportunities to spend money on things that would never have been thought of before. More opportunities for service? Yes, that’s part of it but there are also more opportunities for sin. Opportunities given to young people who are just learning about life.

I’ve watched my older boys as they leave our home to become leaders in their own homes. It’s a challenge for a young man to learn how to be a leader of his wife and children without becoming self-centered and power hungry. Now just imagine doing this with the whole world watching every move, every decision you make. Just imagine having your fan base on the edge of their seats wondering how you will respond to situations that arise in a growing family. There’s no room for error. No room for learning as a couple how to grow as a family. If there is a problem, it would be important to sweep it under the rug, put on a happy face and pretend all is well.

As I watch this young family go through troubles in their marriage in front of the whole world, I can’t help but ask, “What were they thinking?” What was mom and dad thinking when they signed on to put their precious children right in the path of all that is worldly, sensual, addicting. Having a family that large requires extra vigilance to guide the children in the right way and protect them from Satan’s darts. Sure, with more children comes more love, more people to lavish that love and even extra hands to help with the day to day operation, but the challenge of meeting each individual child’s needs is made more difficult. The busyness of everyday activities can be daunting enough but is magnified in a large family. Who has time for being on a TV show? While I’ve heard Mr Duggar say they don’t really spend that much time filming the show, the other engagements that they are either required or feel compelled by their own desire to participate in can have a detrimental effect on the family.

Now their dirty laundry is being aired for all to see. Was it worth it? The parents have said that they hoped to show a God fearing family to the world. While that sounds noble, was it wise? Mom and Dad seem to be handling fame and fortune well but the young adults in the family seem to be suffering from fame and fortune addiction. It is all they have known.

What does God have to say about it? Paul tells the Thessalonians, “that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands.” Lead a quiet life. Mind your own business. What a contrast to what we have seen played out for us. Why is it important to lead a quiet life? To mind your own business? “That you may walk properly toward those who are outside, and that you may lack nothing.” Paul seems to be saying that the way to be an example to those in the world is to lead a quiet life.

This young man who is being dragged through the mud was given too much too soon. When he was just learning how to be a husband and a father, he was given too much attention. He was considered to be someone who had all the answers. He didn’t have all the answers. He was struggling with his own sin while others were looking to him for leadership. I have boys about his age. They need to learn along with their wives how to have a marriage that is pleasing to God. They need to learn to be parents without their parenting skills being on display. They need to lead a quiet life.

One blurb I read said that the young man and his young wife were not saying much after the news of his latest sexual indiscretions was made public. I hope so. I hope they shut the door of their home to all media outlets. I hope they never make another public appearance. I hope they have the wisdom to lead a quiet life. To work on their marriage and raising their precious babies as God would have them do so. The fame and fortune addiction must be stopped. I hope those in the media will respect this young family enough to leave them alone. I hope their love for God will supercede their love for attention.

“But concerning brotherly love you have no need that I should write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another; and indeed you do so toward all the brethren who are in all Macedonia. But we urge you, brethren, that you increase more and more; that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, that you may walk properly toward those who are outside, and that you may lack nothing.” 1 Thessalonians 4:9-12