No Earphones

I know this is something most people disagree with me about. That’s okay. I’m used to the rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders and exasperated sighs. We do not let our boys go around with earphones or anything similar in their ears. There are several reasons for this but the main one is the most important one. The number one reason I don’t want my boys wearing earphones is that I want them to be engaged with us. I can’t stand to see pre-teens or teenagers or young adults tuning everyone out by wearing earphones.

I remember the first time this came up in our family. It was Matthew. The oldest child in a family always gets the brunt of things. By the time other kids come along, the rules have been established. They know what to expect but that first child is breaking new ground every day of his life. That was the case with Matthew’s first earphones. I remember it clearly. He got some sort of portable radio gadget with earphones attached. He must have been 12 years old or so. That means this was around 1998 so whatever gadget was the style that year, that’s what he had. I don’t even remember where he got it. He may have bought it or one of the grandparents may have given it to him. For all I know, we may have even bought it for him. He was so excited. He could now listen to “his” music with his earphones.

I wasn’t aware of how I felt about this new gadget until he used it the first time. He put the earphones in and immediately I knew this would not be acceptable. It brought visions of rebellious teens ignoring their parents while keeping time with some inaudible music that only he could hear. I told Matthew that he could not wear the earphones when he was with the family. His response? Where could he wear them? Me: In your room. Matthew: If the only place I can wear them is in my room, I don’t need them at all. That was the end of his earphone experience.

Now I know some of you are saying, “What’s the big deal?” I know it’s a small thing but the simple act of tuning out all those around you and surrounding yourself with music that only you can hear is just another way of isolating yourself from the family and from what’s going on around you. I want my kids to be involved in family activities — whatever they may be. I don’t want a bunch of kids in their own little worlds tuning everyone out.

A few years back there was a news report on TV about how wonderful it was that technology was being used in the classroom. The piece of technology that got everyone so excited was an ipod. The school being highlighted had given every incoming freshman an ipod. The news report was filled with freshmen roaming around the campus holding an ipod with wires hanging out their ears. Wasn’t it wonderful, the news reporter had said. These kids were now plugged into technology and it was going to accelerate their learning tremendously. I was horrified. The kids were not interacting with each other. They were walking around in their own little worlds. What kind of learning could that promote? I can see some good coming from it but the vision of these kids being spoon fed information and being isolated from each other was sad.

But what about in the car? I know a lot of people find earphone use a blessing in the car. Everyone can be entertained quietly with whatever pleases them. While we do occasionally let the kids use earphones in the car, I don’t like it. We have a vehicle now that has all kinds of entertainment options. There are plugs for every kind of electronic gadget you could want. There is a DVD player and nice stereo system. They can bring their Wii from home and spend the 17 hour trip to Florida in teenage boy bliss. When we go on long trips, we allow them to use their devices and even let them use earphones for some of the time. But what happens when they’re doing this? They tune out the family. They tune out the scenery we’re passing through. Their focus is only on themselves. When we bought the van, the sales guy told how wonderful it was to take his teenagers on a trip. Every kid could do their own thing. He was thrilled. I was saddened. He had 3 teenagers who wouldn’t be around all that much longer for long family trips. Here they were spending it in their own little worlds.

Staying tuned into the family is the main reason for avoiding earphones but it is not the only reason. I have a huge concern for the hearing of people who use these things. When my children have been allowed to use them, I tell them that if I can hear it, it is too loud. Having music or speaking piped directly into your ears can not be good for them. I would rather listen to noisy video games or learn to appreciate the music they enjoy and preserve their hearing than to have my peace and quiet and have them have hearing trouble later in life.

That brings up another reason to avoid use of earphones. I want to know what they’re listening to. I want them to learn to appreciate what I listen to. I want our music experience to be mutual. This can’t be done if everyone is listening to their own thing through earphones.

One problem with eaphones, in my opinion, is it causes young people to be disrespectful. They can kind of hear someone calling them but not very well. Instead of checking to see what the problem is, just turn it up a little louder. If you can’t hear mom calling, you can’t be expected to respond.

Which brings me to the other problem I have with earphones. You can’t hear what’s going on around you. There could be a problem but you’d never know it. Someone could be calling for help but you wouldn’t hear.

Other than the occasional long trips in the car, we do allow our kids to use earphones. As with any rule we have in our home, as the boys get older, they can break them if it serves a good purpose. Our 17 year old composes music. He finds it very helpful to wear earphones while doing this. In fact, his reasons for using them are the very reasons I refused to let him use them when he was younger. He needs to be able to concentrate on his music and to just hear his music. Earphones are the answer. Thankfully, he uses them sparingly so we don’t feel the need to limit his use of them.

That’s the key to anything in life — learn to be responsible about it. Hopefully by limiting the use of earphones, we have taught our boys that there is a time and place for them.