Grow Up!

I remember holding my baby boys in my arms and whispering in their ears to please not grow up. I wanted them to stay just like they were. They were so sweet, so cute, so cuddly. They were such a joy. I wanted to always have my babies with me.

Although I would tell them not to grow up, I knew it was futile. They would grow up in spite of anything I might do to try to keep them my babies. The truth is, if they didn’t grow up, if they didn’t reach the little milestones common to children, I would have worried.  It’s easy to see that we can’t keep our babies from growing physically but we have all seen adults who have failed to grow up mentally. I would never want that for my boys.

I wanted to keep my babies small but I also wanted them to grow up. I wanted them to learn to walk, to read, to drive a car. I wanted them to get married, start a family and make a place for themselves in this world. It is so rewarding to see my boys accomplish things on their own. It is so rewarding to see my boys become men who love God. It is so rewarding to see my boys become family men, tackling the responsibilities and struggles family life involves.

Many parents today seem to have this whole thing backwards. They encourage their babies to act like grown-ups while holding their older children back by coddling them. Parents dress their little girls like rock stars and encourage little boys to have girl friends.  They love seeing their babies mimic unsavory adult behavior.  These same parents hold their older children back by giving them everything they want. They are afraid to allow their older children to make mistakes. They want to be involved in every decision their older children make.  What an upside down world we live in. We should be holding our babies close. We should be protecting them from the grown up world. We should let them be little.  Jesus recognizes the beauty of the innocence of children when He said that we should become like little children.

While we should strive maintain the innocence of childhood, God makes it clear that we are not to remain childish in our actions, wisdom and knowledge of God. Solomon tells us that “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child”. He obviously considered this a bad thing because he went on to say that “the rod of correction will drive it far from him”.  How can it be that we should become like little children and at the same time the foolishness of a child should be driven from him with a rod?

Little by little, we who are the parents must see to it that the child grows up.  Not too fast, pushing the children into adult situations too early but slowly, little by little.  Our ultimate goal is to have our child   live independently.  Slowly allowing our child to make his own decisions, make his own mistakes and develop his own interests is part of our job.  This can’t and shouldn’t happen all of sudden.  We can’t deprive our children of the critical learning that happens on a day to day basis and all of a sudden, when they become of age, expect them to behave like an adult.  We should be always gently prodding and directing our children towards greater maturity.  Holding them back does not do them any favors.  Protecting them from bad decisions and hurtful experiences hinders their progress to maturity.

We should encourage them to take chances and deal with the results with the calm confidence that next time they can try again.  Whether it’s on the ball field, in the recital hall, or taking the hard class at school, they need to know that working hard towards a goal is the reward.  We should not be afraid that their self-esteem will be harmed if they don’t make the team or if they don’t make the highest score in class.  They need to know that they must work hard and that sometimes they will succeed and sometimes they won’t.  Give them the gift of hard work.

They also need to know that some people may make fun of them for choosing to follow God instead of the crowd.  They need to know that standing up for what’s right is the best thing to do no matter what the outcome is.  It may be that they are the only one who chooses to do right but if they have been taught that their strength and courage is found in their faith in God, they will not waiver when they are left out of the activities of their peers.  If they have been surrounded by young people and adults who choose to follow God they will not be concerned about what others think.  Give them the gift of Christians who love them and want them to succeed.

While most of this is learned by observing mom, dad and others in the child’s life, much of it is learned by firmly letting the child know that it is time to grow up.  My boys hear those words frequently.   It’s not acceptable for my 10 year old to cry like a baby.  When things don’t go his way, put on a brave face and act like a man.  When he makes a mistake, bravely face the consequences.  The more practice he gets at a young age, the easier it will be when he becomes an adult.

My boys don’t always act as mature as I’d like but every experience they have, every success they enjoy, every defeat the endure just takes them that much closer to the final outcome — a mature young man.