Hanging On by A Thread

Do you see the strands of popcorn and cranberries on our Christmas tree? These have been part of our Christmas since way back in our Mississippi days. They were bought at a Christmas store in Tupelo, MS. Every year for 40 years I have carefully taken these five, long strands of fake popcorn and five, long strands of fake cranberries out of the box and have done my best to make them look “natural” on our artificial tree. Every year I am surprised that the strands of cranberries do not break. The thread they are strung on is incredibly thin and tangles easily. Sadly, this year two of the strands became very tangled. A tradition that Danny and I had enjoyed for forty years was going to end this year.

It was symbolic of all the things that have ended with Danny’s passing. Over the past few months, everything that I have known has been upended. Nothing is the same. Benjamin and I no longer live in the same home or even in the same town. Many of our friends and most of our family live much further away than before. So many of our possessions, things we valued and toted around from home to home so Danny could preach the gospel, have been either given away or thrown away. I was unable to keep anything that was not an absolute necessity except a few very precious items. These popcorn and cranberry strands made the cut of “very precious” items.

As I looked at the tangle of cranberries lying on the floor I said, “No! These are not going to be tossed like everything else.” I could not stand the thought of one more thing being tossed in the trash. I picked them up and began to untangle them. After three hours of painstakingly working to untangle the tangled mess, I finally had done all I could. It was a wonder I did not have cranberries spilled all over the floor. The thread that holds them all together is single ply and even though it is very thin and, as I have learned over the years and especially during those three hours, is stronger than it looks. In the end, I was left with four shorter strands that could be used. In the process I only lost about a foot of cranberries.

During those three hours, I sat alone thinking about why I was going to so much trouble. Why not just throw the whole mess away and begin this new phase of life with a newly themed Christmas tree? My mind wandered to events of the past few months: decisions I have made, people who have stepped up and cheered me on, people who have not, all the blessings I have received in the past and how the current turn of events have shown new blessings I never even dreamed of.

Like that tangled mess of cranberries on the floor, the future seemed impossible to make whole, to ever be useful and beautiful again. The easiest thing to do would be to just give up and collapse in a puddle of despair on the floor. I knew I could not do that. I could not give in that easily. I would only be devaluing the life Danny and I had lived. All the hardships that God saw us through, all the blessings that He showered us with would be for naught if I gave up. I cannot dishonor Danny in that way. I cannot be unthankful to my Lord in that way. I will do the hard thing and painstakingly work through every hurdle that is put in my path while, instead of longing for what could have been, look forward to what my past has prepared me for.

In my times of utter despair and weakness, I have wondered how I am hanging on at all. It is not by my own strength. That thread that is holding me together is made strong by God who is the giver of life. My hope in Him and His eternal plan is what makes my life “very precious” and worthy of being salvaged to be used again and again however He wills.

As for the strands of popcorn and cranberries, they adorn my Christmas tree once again and, in a few weeks, will be carefully placed in their special white box, tucked away in the storage unit until next year when I hold my breath as I once again, pull them out to see if they have survived another year.