When people hear that you’re homeschooling, there are questions that immediately pop into their head. These questions are pretty much the same across the board. For example: Is it legal? What about Socialization? What about the prom?
Well….What about the prom?
There are several reasons we home school. One of them being to protect our children from immorality. The schools are filled with filthy language, sexual promiscuity and immodest dress, etc. We have been blessed, for the most part, to have home school friends that have the same values as we have concerning these issues. There is one exception — the prom.
Home school families that won’t allow their children to watch any (or much) TV, attend the public school or date at an early age, are planning proms for their teenage children. My first question is: Why? Why should we try to copy what the public school does? Why do we want to put our children in compromising situations that either encourage illicit behavior or, at least, leaves the impression that what goes on at proms is a good thing?
Here is my perception of a prom from what I hear from others, see from TV and remember from my youth. I never did attend a prom, but being a product of the public school system, I definitely knew what was going on there. A prom is the one night of the year for teenagers to pair off as couples, spend lots of money on tickets, flowers, clothing and transportation, dress immodestly (either not enough clothing or drawing attention to oneself), and dance.
What’s wrong with pairing off as couples? The whole idea is that boy/girl friends are going to a party/dance. This either encourages kids to "pair off" with someone they may or may not have any true feelings for and act like a couple while doing it. Acting like a couple means different things to different people, but if you hear the talk amongst high school students it usually involves intimacy that should be reserved for married couples. In fact, the latest fad seems to be getting yourself a "prom baby". Girls are actually wanting to get pregnant on the night of the prom. Not because they’re in love with the guy, not because they’re looking forward to getting married, not because they want to be a mother. It’s because they want to have the status symbol of having gotten pregnant the night of the prom.
One more thing about couples….where does that leave the rest of the kids. If the prom is a night to get together and enjoy each other’s company, what about those that don’t want to date or don’t get a date? They are left out. Doesn’t sound like something promoting togetherness amongst a group of teens, does it?
How about all the money that is spent? It is unbelievable (at least to me) how much money is spent for proms. The tickets themselves can be prohibitive for many kids. The clothing they are expected to wear are so expensive. It’s not the adult planners that expect these kinds of clothes. It’s the kids themselves. Who can go to the prom in anything less than the best? Many kids are renting limousines or other expensive transportation to and from the prom. Their parents are actually encouraging this type of extravagant behavior. What message are we sending our kids when we encourage them to spend money on such self-gratifying items and services. Teenagers tend to think "it’s all about them". This sort of extravagance confirms what they think.
What about the immodest dress? I just don’t understand how a mom and dad can encourage their daughter to go out at anytime but especially to a prom dressed like these girls are dressing. Their parents can’t be unaware of what is on the mind of kids that age. We encourage them to be chaste, to act properly, and then dress them in clothes that have no backs, no straps, are low-cut revealing way too much of the body. What exactly is the purpose of this type of dress? Does it promote good thoughts in the girl? Good thought in her date? Good thoughts amongst others at the prom? When a girl is dressed in such an immodest way, she is advertising to the world that she 1) doesn’t respect herself — thinks that revealing herself to others will cause them to like her and 2) that she will do whatever it takes to keep people liking her. In the case of the girl at the prom it may and many times does end up in "the couple" committing fornication. Last of all, she doesn’t think of her body as the temple of God. If she did, she would protect her body and her reputation.
Not enough clothing isn’t all there is to dressing immodestly. I’ve heard girls say that they want heads to turn when they walk into a room. While there is nothing wrong with dressing in a way that is appealing (and I don’t mean sexually here), there is a big difference in that and wanting everyone to notice "me". A Christian should not want to draw attention to his or herself. To want "heads to turn" is immodest. Of course, immodesty doesn’t stop with the girls. Girls and boys are going to the proms dressed to make statements. They are coloring their hair, wearing things that are not "traditional " prom wear. Why would they dress this way? To draw attention to themselves.
I haven’t even talked about the dancing yet. What about the dancing? Is there anything wrong with a couple of teenagers standing front to front with the girl dressed in such a way as to reveal much of her body, swaying back and forth, or worse, to romantic, seductive music? What if they were doing this standing in the middle of Wal-mart? What would most people think? In any situation except a dance (in this case the prom) this would be considered lewd behavior that should not be carried out in public. At a dance, though all the rules change. The movements that are not acceptable in public are now encouraged by parents, teachers, principals, etc. The kids are expected to rub their bodies against each other and then at the end of the night, give a peck on the cheek and happily go home. Slow dancing is nothing more than foreplay. And our young people are encouraged to do this and to do it in public.
I know, not all dancing is slow dancing. There are some kinds of music that encourages dancing that does not involve such intimate touching. This type of dancing involves movements that can be quite appealing to young men when the girls are dressed in such immodest clothing. What teenage boy wouldn’t want to see his date dancing around and possibly/probably showing even more of herself than the parents at home had intended. The movements involved in this more active dancing can be downright obscene. With the popularity of the TV show Dancing With The Stars, I’m sure the teenagers are trying to mimic what they see the stars doing. What did one judge say about one of the dances she saw on TV recently? She said that watching it was better than good sex. I think that just sums up the whole reason for such dancing.
If any home schooler that is protecting their children from bad language, Godless curricula/classrooms, disrespectful and illicit behavior send their child to a prom, then why are we home schooling. Now I know that you are probably saying that "nothing like that goes on at our prom". You may be right, but by encouraging and allowing your child to go to the prom, any prom, you are trying to get just as close to the fence without actually stepping over. We all tend to be so protective of our kids in so many things and then just let our guard down because we want to be like the public schoolers.
What to do instead? Will it harm your child mentally, physically, socially, spiritually if they don’t go to the prom? No. I didn’t go to my prom. My husband didn’t go to his. My kids have never been to a prom. Life goes on. After the "big night", it’s over. All the money, all the heartache over whether or not you have a date, all the extravagance, all the promiscuous behavior….it’s over. One night of putting my child in temptation, of giving my child just a hint of what life is like in the world, of encouraging my child to think "it’s all about him" is not worth the damage that can be done.
So…What about the prom?
I appreciate your comment, Katherine. We all do what we think is best at the time. I’m so glad it turned out so well for your son.
We homeschooled. A young lady in our church always wanted to homeschool, but her parents wouldn’t do it. Wanted her to have all the fun of being social, getting in the big circles, etc. She actually was required to go to the Prom and did not have (nor want) a boyfriend.
She asked her mom if our homeschooled son could be her escort, no strings attached. We debated it and prayed about it and decided he was old enough to behave (he was about 4 years past high school, but innocent, due to home schooling.
Our rules were:
1. This young lady trusts you to get her through a difficult situation. Do that. Only.
2. Go straight to the prom, and straight to her house. Nowhere else. (Her parents were taking them out to dinner, in a rare moment of understanding.
3. Then come straight home.
4. If anything bad is going on, leave early.
5. No booze. Absolutely none.
He did it, and they did leave early. We did not ask why. We were proud, feeling like our son was a knight in shining armor. Both of them went on to marry successfully with happy households full of moral, home-made children.
I don’t know if it was right or wrong, but at the time, we believed it was right . Sometimes it is hard to know for sure…
Thanks for letting me comment! :)
There are plenty of failures in home schooling — both with secular and spiritual training. There are plenty of failures in public school as well. No matter how we decide who will educate our children, we can’t let our guard down. Some home schoolers fail because they do not conduct their school in a Bona Fide Manner
I do not know of what church you are a member, when I preached along these lines (my dad hd preached here prior and they didn’t like him either) I went from good old Mark (everybody’s buddy) to Bro. Wilburn. It probably didn’t help several were in the audience with their prom do and make-up. Any way it is refreshing to read someone I agree with. Checked out several recipes, love a woman that can cook.
As far as home-school I understand the principle of what you say, I agree there is great danger in sending them to public school. I feel it is a good to introduce them to the world in which they will live, and prepare them for it. Can’t imagine what the culture shock must be for children not exposed to the world thinking everyone has their best interest at heart. My experience with that is all personal, we three kids all went to public school, all three are faithful Christians. My two sons went to public school and are faithful Christians. Both my brother and sister chose to home-school, one nephew has renounced God, the other nephew and my niece are being raised a lot more liberally than their dad my brother was raised, have my concerns. There are a lot of lessons in moving away from family and those that know who you are and camping toward Sodom.
We plan to do Modern Day Princess/Modern Day Knight events for our kids that will afford the same (though better structured and more biblically edifying) kind of fun for older teens, whether or not we can find other teens and their families who want to be part of it.
Thank you, Judy. Of course you may share it and use it as you like.
Thanks, Diana, for posting what you had written! I will definitely share it on FB. May I copy it also?
We are faced with a lot of choices in this life. It is good to hear how you are teaching your children to stand up for what is right and good. I am saddened to see so many deceived by what our society thinks is normal that does so much damage. I think we were actually admired for taking a stand by our friends who children went to the prom. We had three boys and the other mom's were on the look out for dates for their girls. Sorry… no way… we had better things to do with our money, time, mind, and heart.
I'm a homeschool mom to three lovely young ladies. Actually my oldest two have graduated, gotten good paying jobs, are responsible members of society and are both engaged to wonderful young men. And they never went to prom. They would be mortified to even think about going to such an ungodly event. And yes, I did go to two proms when I was in high school so I know what I'm talking about.
And finding decent wedding dresses? It can be done if it's important to you. It is important to my daughters so we drove 3 hours one way to go to a bridal shop that specializes in modest wedding gowns. Stylish, modest wedding gowns. Yes, they have a modest neckline, the back is completely "in" and they actually have sleeves! It makes me so sick to see what passes for dress in our society today. Thank you for your wonderful insight.
BTW, got here from Pleo-username donnajo
Well said. This weekend our homeschool co-op had their Senior Banquet and Dance (sound like prom?). It has divided the co-op, and many who have been friends for years are now angry. It saddens me to see Christians taking part in this, and the parents absently left wondering, "How did this happen?' when the time comes to reap what is sown.
Check your spelling! Principal, not principle! Wow!
I think homeschooling is wrong the child does socialize with kids his or her age. you guys are a bunch of Religious fanatics trying to tell people how to live.
STAY OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE LIVES WITH YOUR HYPOCRITICAL IDEAS!!!!
why are you being a hypocrite? if a girl wants to wear a sxy dress to the Prom that is her choice not yours!!!when I went to my prom I wore a very slinky dress and my date loved it I like to see you say someting to me because I will haul off and slap you
AMEN!
My husband and I are in the process of adopting my cousin's 13 year old son. He is VERY behind in school – reading at about a Kinder level, yet has been passed, passed, passed. We are in the process of getting our information together so that he can be home-schooled, as he is extremely bright, but no one in his family thought to teach him how to read.
I consider myself a very liberal person, but after he arrived it's almost like I am seeing the whole word as a different place (something about becoming a mom I guess). I can completely understand how parents would be driven to home-school due to the fact that public school has turned into, well, a joke. I say this all as a person who just graduated from University with plans of becoming a teacher. It's truly sad to see what society now promotes as proper and acceptable behavior – this coming, again, from a liberal person.
However, I do not believe this is a conservative or liberal issue, it is a human issue. We, as a society, have to think about the kind of adults we are raising. Do we want them to be narcissists, who only care for themselves? Have you seen the shows on MTV – "My Sweet 16"? It is horrible and it literally makes my stomach sick. Most shows actually make my stomach sick – how are parents allowing their children to watch these shows, thus promoting their ratings so that they come back season after season? I could go on forever!
Well, I just wanted to comment in solidarity. I happy i happened upon your blog in my search for home-school info.
Cheers
I'm so thankful that others see "prom" night this way too. We homeschool and what our homeschool has is a banquet. The girls ARE to dress modestly or expect to be covered up once there. A nice Sunday dress will do. Boy usually wear suits or dress pants, with shirt and tie. There are usually as many chaperones as there are students. We had about 15-20 students go to our banquet. The kids didn't go as couples, they are all just good friends. After eating the adults and kids enjoy some game playing. (good clean game playing). The kids didn't have to spend a lot of money for the banquet. I believe it was about 20 each and most had their clothes already.
Maybe your homeschool group could do something similar and not have a prom. One thing I liked about ours is the kids are all involved with the adults. They love the parents and homeschool directors that were there. It was nothing like a "prom", yet it was a nice evening out for the kids. The kids night ended at 10:00 when the parents took them home.
Wow! Christians can have fun and still be modest, clean and wholesome.
I couldn't agree with you more.Thank you for posting this.
Blessings
Thank you for sharing so many good thoughts about the prom – the replies were also full of good thoughts. Hopefully those of us who agree with you will be encouraged to keep on doing what we're doing and encourage others as well to not give in to wanting to look like the world. Keep up the good work!
GREAT job with the article! I enjoyed reading it.
Hi. I read with interest your article on the PROM. We did not go to the Prom, which did not traumatize me, but evidently did traumatize my younger sister. This probably has to do with the fact that 1) I was never asked and she was and 2) My youngest brother did go to several proms with various girls, because by the time he came along my parents pretty much let him do whatever. (But that is another issue!) Fast forward many years later, my sister allowed/encouraged her children to go to their proms, paid for expensive clothing and rented limos. She also paid for and supported them in attending so called "after-parties" because she "knew the people were Christians." To me, the fact that I heard about these proms from my mom speaks volumes –she did not want to hear my puritanical take on things! She thinks I dress my girls too old-fashioned, this despite the fact that my girls (13 and 12) pick out most of their own clothes now. I have evidently brain washed them into wearing comfortable, modest clothing and shoes rather than what passes for fashion these days. I am glad that a lot of the spagetti-strapped, stomach-showing, ultra-short clothing seems to be making way for more decent apparel again.
Anyway, I totally agree with you about the Prom. I do not understand why any Christian would want their child attending one. Our newspaper had a color photo in it today of one of the proms, and the pictures of how the students were "dancing" was just outrageous! I never thought about it before, but you are so right! If people acted that way in public and they weren't on a dance floor, they'd get arrested for public indecency. Thanks for your great thoughts on a major issue today.
Thanks for posting this. I agree with you, and I am saddened to hear so many families let their children attend these "temptation on a platter" parties. I have (in the past) even had teenage girls were their prom "un"dress to services the following Sunday. While on the subject, I am seeing more and more immodest wedding attire (both bride and bridesmaid's clothing). I think a lot of that starts with allowing our children to go to the school dances.
I couldn't agree with you more!!! I did go to Prom my senior year in High School…what a joke…it was suppose to make me feel like a princess…instead it made me feel bad that I used a guy I didn't even like just to get there…at the time I was not a Christian! But I have two daughters 18 & 20…they have never gone to a prom and they do not feel short changed! In fact, I feel that they have more of the innocence and qualities of a Biblical woman because of growing up under her Father's & my love and influence. They do not dress immodestly and they choose very carefully the friends that they want to be associated with!
Again I think you shared some very valuable words of wisdom!